Life's a Beach.... and then you Nap

Greetings, homo sapiens, and welcome to another shiny example of my giving nature. You know, it's times like these that I thank my lucky stars (bet you didn't know that I had lucky stars, did you?) for water. For without water, we could not have places to go swimming. Nor would we have snow, for that matter, and that would make me very sad. *whimper* I promised myself I wouldn't cry! *sniffle* Ah, yes, well, as we can all see from this next slide, we do have water.

"Look out behind you! There's a stick!"

"Where, where?! Here? I don't see anything..."

Oh, that was a fun day. You see, without humans, I probably wouldn't have the opportunity to do things like this. Well, no, I would, but I would be foraging for fish, or leaves, or rocks, or other denizens of the deep. (Can you tell I've secretly been watching Jeopardy? The vocabulary they use is amazing!)

But, as I was saying, without humans, there wouldn't be leashes, although without leashes there wouldn't be leash laws, so maybe I need to rethink this philosophy.... Anyways, what I'm really trying to get at is that without humans, not only would we be leashless, but we would be foodless too. And I don't know about you, but I loves me some food. Preferably lettuce, or broccoli. Carrots will do nicely too. Or ice. Yes, yes! Ice! ICE! ICE! Ice is nice, but peanut butter is better. Now, when you combine the two, apparently you get peanut butter ice cream. That right there, folks, is the bee's knees. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I think it's good.

Where was I going with all of this? .... Oh, right! No humans, no food. No food, no play time, because all the free time is spent looking for more food. And that makes Hagrid a dull dog. And we don't want that, now, do we?

So I thank you, Humans, for feeding me, and also for taking me on fun walks where I get to go swimming. Because without you, I would have to feed myself, and that would involve lots of walking, and then I wouldn't want to go on a walk, because I would equate walking with looking for food, and that would probably make me hungry, and when I'm hungry I get somewhat persistent, and persnickety, and then I get disappointed, and despondent. So thanks for the food, which allows me to enjoy my walks, and my swimming, which I do love so very much, which helps to tire me out, so I can take a well-deserved nap.


Till next time!

Not Fair!!

Now just hold on one cotton-picking minute! (I watch a fair amount of TV - I think I picked that one up from Bonanza or something.) I'm the one who wanted a cat, and what happens? Sir Fuzzbuster get's his own little Mini-Fuzz, and then I get left at home when Second Mom visits them. Something about me trying to eat Mini-Fuzz. I was not! I would never eat Mini-Fuzz, he's Orion's toy - I mean friend. Friend, yes, that's it. I just wanted to see what Mini-Fuzz tasted - I mean, smelled like, that's all. Instead, I get a stern talking to from The Tall One, admonishment from Second Mom, and reduced visitation rights. The nerve!

So now, on the rare occasions that I do get to see Super Fuzz, I do not get to play with - I mean visit, visit is what I meant, really - Mini-Fuzz, whom I have been told actually goes by the name of Squirt. Is that supposed to be a description of what would happen if I got to share some quality time with him? Is that a description of a physical process, such as my teeth gently nibbling away on his... oh, sorry. My apologies, really. I got a little carried away there. And now I'm drooling again. This could be a problem.

And speaking of problems, what happens when Super Fuzz goes for a walk? Does Squirt go along too, tail all up in the air like the snotty-nosed little kid I know he is? Most likely. I'll probably have to get Super-Fuzz alone to get the real story. In the meantime, I can content myself with dreams of a cat on a leash. Oh they're gonna eat that one up at the dog park, I can tell you that. No, I didn't mean it that way. Well, okay, maybe a little, but not totally. AHEM! Hmm, yes, indeed.

Oh, and, as if all that weren't bad enough, the other day when I did get to go visit, after I got reprimanded by both The Tall One and Second Mom, just when they weren't looking, Squirt sucker-punched me in the nose! I couldn't believe it! So what if I have 85lbs and several feet on him? I was being restrained! If you're gonna fight, fight fair I always say. Of course, all that did was steel my resolve for the next time we meet. Oh, don't worry little Squirt. Your time will come. Your time will come...

Until that time, dear readers, when I will relate to you my glorious victory over the impudent imposter that is Super Fuzz's feline friend, I leave you with this prescient thought:

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
--Garrison Keillor

And one other, because I just can't help myself... Something tells me I'm going to get in trouble for this last one:

If cats could talk, they would lie to you.
--Rob Kopack

Playing Outside

Today, like other days in my past, but not like every day, I got to go for a walk. It was our usual walk, with a fun amble down to the local wide-open snowy area, followed by plenty of snow-eating and running around. The biggest problem I have with all of this is the time needed for my Humans to get ready to go walking. They ask me if I'm ready, and of course I say yes, because what self-respecting Dog doesn't want to go for a walk? So they get me my collars, and choose a leash, and I'm all excited and ready to go, and then they have the nerve to sit down! Honestly! They take forever to put on more and more layers, big clunky paws and coats so big you'd think they would be panting. And sometimes, if it's really cold, they put on extra fluffy leg warmers. I, of course, being a Dog, was born ready to go, and so I spend this entire time whining and complaining, because they got me all excited and now I have to hurry up and wait. They really need to rethink the order of things here.

However, once they've turned themselves into walking marshmallows (ooohhhh, marshmallows... Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Hooo, so good!) and we finally get outside, then we - and by we I mean I - can get down to business. Sniffing, of course, and marking my territory, naturally, are tops on the list. But those are both closely followed, or more accurately bracketed by, eating snow, which I've already mentioned ad nauseum. I just want you to understand exactly how much I like snow. The answer is mucho, or tres, depending upon your location. (I know, I know, I surprised you with my knowledge of other languages. Never underestimate the power of a good education. Plus, I had good teachers.) Yes, I like Snow the way I like a good rawhide chew: squishy, crunchy, and edible, all at the same time, no waiting.

Well, now that I'm back from the walk, and I've got most of my thoughts down here, I think it's time for a post-walk nap. By the time I wake up, it'll be close to dinner time, and I'll get to go outside and eat some more snow, and then we can play, and then I can relax into my post-dinner siesta, and ... well, you get the point.

No quote today - they've gotta be just right, you know? Tally-ho!