Life's a Beach.... and then you Nap

Greetings, homo sapiens, and welcome to another shiny example of my giving nature. You know, it's times like these that I thank my lucky stars (bet you didn't know that I had lucky stars, did you?) for water. For without water, we could not have places to go swimming. Nor would we have snow, for that matter, and that would make me very sad. *whimper* I promised myself I wouldn't cry! *sniffle* Ah, yes, well, as we can all see from this next slide, we do have water.

"Look out behind you! There's a stick!"

"Where, where?! Here? I don't see anything..."

Oh, that was a fun day. You see, without humans, I probably wouldn't have the opportunity to do things like this. Well, no, I would, but I would be foraging for fish, or leaves, or rocks, or other denizens of the deep. (Can you tell I've secretly been watching Jeopardy? The vocabulary they use is amazing!)

But, as I was saying, without humans, there wouldn't be leashes, although without leashes there wouldn't be leash laws, so maybe I need to rethink this philosophy.... Anyways, what I'm really trying to get at is that without humans, not only would we be leashless, but we would be foodless too. And I don't know about you, but I loves me some food. Preferably lettuce, or broccoli. Carrots will do nicely too. Or ice. Yes, yes! Ice! ICE! ICE! Ice is nice, but peanut butter is better. Now, when you combine the two, apparently you get peanut butter ice cream. That right there, folks, is the bee's knees. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I think it's good.

Where was I going with all of this? .... Oh, right! No humans, no food. No food, no play time, because all the free time is spent looking for more food. And that makes Hagrid a dull dog. And we don't want that, now, do we?

So I thank you, Humans, for feeding me, and also for taking me on fun walks where I get to go swimming. Because without you, I would have to feed myself, and that would involve lots of walking, and then I wouldn't want to go on a walk, because I would equate walking with looking for food, and that would probably make me hungry, and when I'm hungry I get somewhat persistent, and persnickety, and then I get disappointed, and despondent. So thanks for the food, which allows me to enjoy my walks, and my swimming, which I do love so very much, which helps to tire me out, so I can take a well-deserved nap.


Till next time!

Not Fair!!

Now just hold on one cotton-picking minute! (I watch a fair amount of TV - I think I picked that one up from Bonanza or something.) I'm the one who wanted a cat, and what happens? Sir Fuzzbuster get's his own little Mini-Fuzz, and then I get left at home when Second Mom visits them. Something about me trying to eat Mini-Fuzz. I was not! I would never eat Mini-Fuzz, he's Orion's toy - I mean friend. Friend, yes, that's it. I just wanted to see what Mini-Fuzz tasted - I mean, smelled like, that's all. Instead, I get a stern talking to from The Tall One, admonishment from Second Mom, and reduced visitation rights. The nerve!

So now, on the rare occasions that I do get to see Super Fuzz, I do not get to play with - I mean visit, visit is what I meant, really - Mini-Fuzz, whom I have been told actually goes by the name of Squirt. Is that supposed to be a description of what would happen if I got to share some quality time with him? Is that a description of a physical process, such as my teeth gently nibbling away on his... oh, sorry. My apologies, really. I got a little carried away there. And now I'm drooling again. This could be a problem.

And speaking of problems, what happens when Super Fuzz goes for a walk? Does Squirt go along too, tail all up in the air like the snotty-nosed little kid I know he is? Most likely. I'll probably have to get Super-Fuzz alone to get the real story. In the meantime, I can content myself with dreams of a cat on a leash. Oh they're gonna eat that one up at the dog park, I can tell you that. No, I didn't mean it that way. Well, okay, maybe a little, but not totally. AHEM! Hmm, yes, indeed.

Oh, and, as if all that weren't bad enough, the other day when I did get to go visit, after I got reprimanded by both The Tall One and Second Mom, just when they weren't looking, Squirt sucker-punched me in the nose! I couldn't believe it! So what if I have 85lbs and several feet on him? I was being restrained! If you're gonna fight, fight fair I always say. Of course, all that did was steel my resolve for the next time we meet. Oh, don't worry little Squirt. Your time will come. Your time will come...

Until that time, dear readers, when I will relate to you my glorious victory over the impudent imposter that is Super Fuzz's feline friend, I leave you with this prescient thought:

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
--Garrison Keillor

And one other, because I just can't help myself... Something tells me I'm going to get in trouble for this last one:

If cats could talk, they would lie to you.
--Rob Kopack

Summer Vacation

The Humans have left me. This time, I fear, for good.

It's been almost two weeks since I last saw them - they brought me over to visit Super Fuzz, but I was suspicious from the start. There was way too much food in the car, and they brought my bed as well. The only glimmer of hope is that they did not bring my crate. No crate usually means that they will return. I'm keeping my toes crossed that that is the case - Super Fuzz has already head-butted the sofa and lost once, and I don't know if I can take much more of it. I was laughing so hard I almost wet the floor. Luckily, they pulled the carpet up some time ago, so cleanup would be a cinch.

But anyways, regardless of my fears, I hope that they return. I miss them. I miss the quiet. It's so very hard to nap around here, even when Super Fuzz and I are on our own. I don't know what that boy eats, but he sure does have a lot of energy. Luckily, I get the sofa all to myself at night. Ha, seniority rules!