Me-Sitting, aka Hagrid-Leaks

So, due to the "holidays," as the humans call them, I was virtually abandoned for a week last month. It was a rather cruel trick, in all honesty: SM & SD went to the airport, and then SD came back, but only for a little while, and then he left too! I was very concerned, although I did my best to hide it by pretending to be asleep on the couch.

I wiled away several hours by pretending, and then, much to my surprise, who should come to rescue me but my guardian angel, Kate, my Dog Sitter (DS)! The following is her account of my Christmas/New Year's week, with only the smallest of editorial comments from me, her fearless companion.

Dec. 24: Hagrid (that's me!) is being really friendly and obedient. (That's how I sucker them in. And they never see it coming...) And cute. (Awww! She's gonna make me blush.) He went out to pee at [redacted redacted] (we don't need to hear about all that, now, do we? No, of course not. Let's get back to the good stuff. No one needs to hear about my every bowel movement or snow-coloring attempt. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here!) Now he is eating.
I took him out at 10:00 and he [redacted] then enjoyed some snow, but not too much. (Everything in moderation, I say.)

Dec. 25: I let Hagrid out at 8:00 (no sleeping in on Christmas morning for this dog, no sirree!) He slept on his mat last night (again, lulling her into a false sense of awww-ness), but he [redacted] outside then came in for some food and now he is enjoying the exciting world outside of the back window. (There's just so much to see, and so much going on! As Steven Tyler said, I don't want to miss a thing!) At 6:00pm I let him outside and he [redacted] then he came in for some food. He ate it all and is now lying comfortably on the couch. (I always lay comfortably on the couch! It's the only way to lay, really. Or is that lie? I can never remember...)

Dec. 26: Hagrid went out at 8:00 to [redacted] and then came inside to eat breakfast. (Notice a trend here?) Shortly after went for a long walk by the creek. He [redacted] and smelled all of the sites. When we got back he fell asleep on his bed for about 4 hours. At least I think he was sleeping, he had his eyes slightly open, but it was cute. (Really? I do that when I sleep? Huh. I thought only SD did that. Interesting...) I let him out again at 3 and we ran around the backyard for a few minutes. Then he had dinner at 6 and went out shortly after, then again at 11.

Dec. 27: Hagrid was fed at 7 and then at 8:30 we went for a walk. (Two walks, two days! Unheard of!) On the way he saw a stick on the sidewalk. When he did, he turned back to smile at me and then grabbed it and kind of started dancing. (Well of course! Doesn't everyone do the Happy Stick Dance?) He was so overjoyed that he gripped the stick too hard and snapped it in half, it was adorable. (There's that aww-ness again!) He [redacted] on the walk and is now curled up on the office floor. Later at 6 he ate dinner and shortly after went out for a [redacted] then again later that night.

Dec. 28: Hagrid had breakfast at 7:45 and then went out for a [redacted] around 8:00, now he is lying down in the living room. At noon we went for a pretty good walk around the neighborhood and so now he is sleeping. Actually he is passed out on the couch. (Passed out is a bit strong, don't you think? How about 'recuperating?')He ate supper a bit later than usual, at 7:00. At 10:30 he went out one more time and I just gave him his bedtime snack. Goodnight Hagrid!

Dec. 29: Hagrid and I woke up at 8:15 this morning and we did our usual routine of "outside-breakfast-outside." Hagrid watched some TV with me for a bit in the afternoon. We went for a walk at 3:30. Hagrid was funny with sticks again. He is so goofy. Hagrid lounged while I ran some errands. He had supper at 6:15. At 10:00 he went outside and [redacted]. In a little bit it will be time for bed. Mr. Hagrid had a very relaxing day. (I'll say! Now if only I could talk SD & SM into doing this.)

Dec. 30: Hagrid and I woke up at 7 and had breakfast at 7:30. We went for a walk at 10. (Attention Humans: Notice how every day I get a walk? Think you could keep that up? Maybe? Perhaps? No? Not likely? Didn't think so.) It wasn't a very long walk because it was raining but Hagrid still had fun. I vacuumed today because there was a lot of Hagrid hair on the ground. (A dog will shed.)Hagrid had supper at 5:30 and then went straight outside to go to the bathroom. At 11:00 he went outside once more and then I gave him some kibbles of food on his bed and he knew what time it was. He gave me a kiss goodnight. Aw Hagrid. (By this time I had her right where I wanted her!)

Dec. 31: Happy New Year's Eve, Hagrid! We woke up at 8 and went straight outside. He [redacted]. He already ate breakfast and now he is staring out the living room window. (That's Puppy-TV Channel 3, in case you were wondering. Mostly reruns this time of year.) He is a very good dog. (Well, I was raised well.) We went for a walk at 11. We kept it short because Hagrid and I were slipping all over the sidewalks. Afterwards, I gave Hagrid a chew and he was amused by that for a couple of hours. Hagrid ate supper pretty early today at 4:30 because I had to leave for work by 5. After supper, he [redacted] outside. I got home from work at 11:45 and Hagrid went straight outside. My mom, my brother, and their small Yorkie, Monkey, came over for New Year's Eve. Hagrid looked at Monkey like he was a bit confused as to what she was because she's so small, but Hagrid didn't mind her presence and just got up on the couch next to me as we all watched Finding Nemo. (I love that movie!) It's time to go to bed now! (You're telling me! This is really late for a dog of my age!)

Jan. 1: Happy New Year, Hagrid! He slept in the bed with me last night. It was really cute. (It was nice and cozy warm, too!) Hagrid ate breakfast at 8:15 this morning. He then spent a lot of time outside eating snow. Silly Hagrid! :-)

That's all, folks! My last week of 2010, with every single [redacted] and walk accounted for. I think I might have gotten more walks in that last week than I did during all of the previous month! Now, if only I can continue this trend...without SD & SM having to fly off to foreign places.

Hip-hop-happy New Year!

Life's a Beach.... and then you Nap

Greetings, homo sapiens, and welcome to another shiny example of my giving nature. You know, it's times like these that I thank my lucky stars (bet you didn't know that I had lucky stars, did you?) for water. For without water, we could not have places to go swimming. Nor would we have snow, for that matter, and that would make me very sad. *whimper* I promised myself I wouldn't cry! *sniffle* Ah, yes, well, as we can all see from this next slide, we do have water.

"Look out behind you! There's a stick!"

"Where, where?! Here? I don't see anything..."

Oh, that was a fun day. You see, without humans, I probably wouldn't have the opportunity to do things like this. Well, no, I would, but I would be foraging for fish, or leaves, or rocks, or other denizens of the deep. (Can you tell I've secretly been watching Jeopardy? The vocabulary they use is amazing!)

But, as I was saying, without humans, there wouldn't be leashes, although without leashes there wouldn't be leash laws, so maybe I need to rethink this philosophy.... Anyways, what I'm really trying to get at is that without humans, not only would we be leashless, but we would be foodless too. And I don't know about you, but I loves me some food. Preferably lettuce, or broccoli. Carrots will do nicely too. Or ice. Yes, yes! Ice! ICE! ICE! Ice is nice, but peanut butter is better. Now, when you combine the two, apparently you get peanut butter ice cream. That right there, folks, is the bee's knees. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I think it's good.

Where was I going with all of this? .... Oh, right! No humans, no food. No food, no play time, because all the free time is spent looking for more food. And that makes Hagrid a dull dog. And we don't want that, now, do we?

So I thank you, Humans, for feeding me, and also for taking me on fun walks where I get to go swimming. Because without you, I would have to feed myself, and that would involve lots of walking, and then I wouldn't want to go on a walk, because I would equate walking with looking for food, and that would probably make me hungry, and when I'm hungry I get somewhat persistent, and persnickety, and then I get disappointed, and despondent. So thanks for the food, which allows me to enjoy my walks, and my swimming, which I do love so very much, which helps to tire me out, so I can take a well-deserved nap.


Till next time!

Silly, silly humans

Oh, you humans! Must we teach you everything? The other day, while being driven around like the noble Dog I am, I saw another dog who was, how can I put this, uh, well, um, fat. Not extra layer of winter coat fat, more like time to cut back on the pre-breakfast, post-breakfast, lunchtime, pre-dinner and post-dinner snacks fat. No self respecting dog wants to be fat. So if you, fellow canines, look anything like a Rollo, (Don't know what a Rollo is? You really must get out more! But only have one - otherwise we'll have a problem.) it's time to get out there and pant a little. Fetch the ball, carry a stick around, go run on the beach. I personally enjoy chasing things, preferably small, furry, fast-moving objects like squirrels, and cats. Not that I've ever chased a cat... well, there was that one time, but it was in my yard - on my porch, even! Just sitting there, grooming itself, not a care in the world. Until the door opened, and out I came, and it made a break for the fence like it had been scalded. I am proud to say that I cornered it at the fence and everything, and we were just getting ready to dance when those meddling humans intervened. I was gonna win, too.

Anyways, where was I? Oh, right. Exercise. So get out there, preferably with your human, and run around. Pretend you enjoy playing fetch (also known as getit!), unless you're a Labrador, in which case you probably do enjoy it. Also, watch what you eat. Just because it's in your bowl doesn't mean it needs to go in the mouth. This is not the wild plains of your ancestors, there will be another meal served later today, which you do not need to do. You could sleep all afternoon, and then magically, food will appear. It's great!

Another hint for you, oh whiners of table scraps: don't eat all five buckets of chicken wings that your humans left on the coffee table while they went to get their drinks. Think of all those chickens running around without wings -- it's not pleasant. Have a salad instead. And take the stairs, not the elevator. Insist on going one more block before you turn around to go back home - if you pull on the leash hard enough, they'll give in. Drive a stick-shift car in a parade, at the very end of the line, behind all the little kids on their bikes with the funny training wheels. They'll be all like, "Daddy, Daddy, look behind us! There's a dog driving that car!" And you'll be all like, "Vroom, vroom! I won't run you over, but the look on your face because you think I'm going to is priceless! Vroom, screech, vroom!" And they'll be all like, "Daddy, Daddy, the doggy is going to run us over! Can I pet it?" And the Daddy will say something like, "It's ok, princess. The nice doggy won't run us over. He's a good dog, yes he is. Yes he is!" And you'll be all like, "It's ok, little girl. I promise not to run you over, but your Daddy is on his own. Vrrooommm, vrooom vrooom! Sputter-cough-stall. Shoot." No, I haven't done this. But I've been told it's a great leg workout - for both you and the little kids trying not to get run over.

There are other odd quirks (as opposed to normal quirks?) of both dogs and humans that I need to comment on, but not today. For today, we'll stick with what we have so far. So, get up from your chair, do up your hair, and go get some air (and bring the human too!)! See what I did there, with the rhyming? You'd think I had help or something. Yes, yes, I'm saying go for a walk. Find a stick, carry it around in your mouth, hit your humans in the back of the knee with it when they're not looking, and pretend like you didn't notice they were there and just bumped into them. It's adorable, trust me. You just have to put on the right look, and they fall for it every time. Use your eyebrows, too. That always gets 'em.

Oh, and one last thing! Here is your quote for the day, rather apropos I thought, given my former profession:
"Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat." ~Oxford Union Society, London, Rule 46

I would take offense to that rule, except that I'm too busy laughing. Oh, jeez, now I'm drooling. Cleanup, living room aisle! Bring your socks!